Joke 31-12-10

Mark came into the office an hour late for the third time in a single week and found boss waiting again. 

What's the story this time, Mark?

He asked sarcastically.  "Let's hear some good excuse for a change."

Mark sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss.  The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river (look, my suit's still damp), ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."

"You'll have to do better than that, Mark," said the boss, obviously disappointed.  "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."

Joke 30-12-10

A man put some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and was going back to his car, parked on the cemetery side road. 

His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" 

The first man went to him and said,
"Dear, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. 

For whom do you feel such grief? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?"

The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

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Joke 29-12-10

 "Engineers and scientists can never earn as much as business executives and sales people."

This theory can now be supported by a mathematical equation:

Engineers already know that: Power = Work / Time

Knowledge = Power

Time = Money
Knowledge = Work/Money

Solving for Money, we will get:

Money = Work / Knowledge

So as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done

Hence the outcome is that...

The less you know, the more you make.

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Joke 28-12-10

2 old retired race horses are in a bar getting totally drunk. After about two hours the first race horse said to other


"You know.... when I was a really young ...from one hundred starts, I won 90 races, got 5 second positions and 5 third positions. I am without doubt the greatest race horse that ever lived and then blah blah blah..."

In response to this and about a half an hour later the second race horse said


"Oh yeah...when I was a really young...from one hundred starts, I won 95 races, got 2 second positions and 3 third positions. I am the greatest race horse that ever lived....also blah blah blah..."

Now it was about this time that the bartender (who was a greyhound) decided that they were drunk enough so he said


"I am sick of you two telling one another how great you are, you are both so drunk and I am throwing you out of the bar, but before I do I want to let you know that when I was a really young greyhound, from one hundred starts, I won 100 races, no seconds and no thirds."

The two race horses were shocked and for 5 minutes they sat with their funny mouths open until the fist race horse finally said,


"Ohh isn't that amazing... a talking greyhound!"



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Joke 27-12-10

Men are just like a pack of Cards...

Heart to love them
Diamond to marry them
Club to smack them
Spade to bury the body

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Funny Shanny 2